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2:05 AM, April 5th, 2015, Katie and I took exit #96 and headed towards Kaiser Permanente Labor and Delivery. We all love the #96, as you know it was Pavel Bure’s hockey number, as well as Katie and I’s Wedding Anniversary (those are definitely not in order of importance). Katie and I eagerly awaited to meet our first daughter, Madison. Madison, was in no rush and decided to take her precious time. While we waited a short 26 hours, Katie and I were filled with excitement, comfort, and joy. We felt God’s presence flowing through our hearts.
2:50 PM October 29th, 2017, Katie and I took exit #96 again (shoutout Pavel Bure). This time, Julianne was keen on being the easier child (2:05 AM vs 2:50 PM). Katie and I, we’re even more relaxed this go around. I remember judging, ahem watching the newborn parents waiting to go into labor rooms. Each newbie parent was politely yelling at the hospital staff. Here’s my exercise ball! Dim the lights and I need organic kale juice before I push! God Bless em-don’t judge, they’re excited. While Katie and I waited, we felt the same feelings of joy.
One road, one great number, two exceptionally beautiful memories we’ll never forget.
December 12th, 2020. I took exit #96 again and made my way to the Kaiser Permanente Covid testing center. My wife tested positive for Covid two days prior so the doctor advised me to get tested. As I entered the parking lot, I saw a line of cars that was over 100 deep. I felt fear and pain. To take my mind elsewhere, I began to pray for myself and the other passengers. This worked for only a few minutes, as I soon lost focus, allowing fear and pain to occupy my mind. I decided to try laughter and began listening to comedy podcasts. The comedy was short lived as well, and the pain and fear grew stronger. Enough fighting, I gave up and broke down. The fearful emotions of 2020 spilled out; pain from a job loss, isolation from family and friends, loss of life, everything came out. 3 and 5 years ago at the exact location were the greatest moments of my life, now I was facing the worst.
The physical pain was brutal. Each movement felt like I was carrying a 100lb weighted vest. I laid in bed in constant pain and it was difficult to breathe. I tried every medicine I could think of, vitamins, day quill, advil (all within reason), and I even went a little earthy with copious amounts of manuku honey. None of this worked. The more I tried to help my body, the more I couldn’t. I finally realized; I wasn’t in control. I tried to turn to God. The more I prayed for God to remove this, the more distant I felt from God’s presence. The farther you feel from God, the harder it is to remember his promises. I began to ask the odd but real questions. Did I do something wrong? What do I need to ask forgiveness for? Why is God being so silent? Why am I being punished? The Bible says to rejoice, why can’t I? I need God more than ever, why is he being so silent? Looking back, I wish I would've kept my focus on God and not why this was happening to me, Finally, after 8 days my symptoms concluded and my body began to normalize again.
The Pile of Dirt or the Mountain?-we're getting there.
Recently God opened my eyes to Jesus’s miracles. As we know, we could find numerous points and messages from this story, but I’m going to focus on one. In Luke 5:12 Jesus heals a man with leprosy (people with leprosy were considered outcast in society-no one wanted to be around them). Not only did Jesus heal the man, Jesus gave the man a new life, he would now be a part of a community, getting the opportunity to enjoy family and friends. As I finished reading, I began to question Jesus (smart move Pete). Why didn’t Jesus create a cure for Leprosy? Why didn’t he make a plant or vine to carry the antidot so other people wouldn’t struggle? As I began to ponder, I thought, why won’t Jesus come down and save us from this pain? After a while, I felt God leading me into this thought…” Peter, I care about every situation you are in. I care deeply for everyone. My heart breaks when there is loss, when there is pain. Remember, my Kingdom is eternal. My kingdom is greater than any disease, any sickness, any issue that you will ever face”. I began to imagine a small pile of dirt followed by the image of a beautiful mountain. I imagined the pile of dirt was made up of my issues—real, yet very small, especially in comparison to the mountain. I realized; God’s kingdom is the mountain. I’m focusing on this very small pile (my life) while God is trying to move me away from the pile and bring me to the mountain. In no way does God consider our issues meaningless, however God wants us to know the beauty of his Kingdom, beyond the minor issues we face (our small pile). I was reminded how powerful and beautiful God is. How many times have we focused on our small pile of dirt while God is leading us to his beautiful kingdom (mountain). Through this time, I’m (re) learning to rejoice in God when it hurts, when God is silent, and when there is pain on this Earth. I’m learning to be honest and share my heart with God, even when it doesn’t make sense.
Please note, It’s with a heavy heart that I write this blog. I know friends who’ve lost life, people who are losing business, community, everything. The impact of Covid-19 has been substantial and my only goal is to share what God spoke to me, not "don't grieve about 2020". We are all growing during this time, whether we are struggling or prospering God loves, Gods teaching us, and God is with us.
In closing, a fun true fact about #96 the Russian Rocket, Pavel Bure. His brother married DJ Tanner from Full House, which DJ Tanner’s real brother is Kirk Cameron….it all ties together people.
God Bless you, Pavel Bure “The Russian Rocket”
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