Growing Pains

Growing Pains. As much as I'd like to talk to you about the phenomenal TV show that starred Kirk Cameron, we're going to discuss how to grow in pain. As I’ve so profoundly stated before, I do not have all the answers, just a few ideas that may help. This post will focus on the time I was let go from my employer. I’ll share the steps that I went through, in the hopes that it could be a sort of roadmap for anyone else who may be experiencing a job loss. Then, if there’s any time left, we’ll discuss Kirk Cameron.

Remember, one of the main goals of life is to grow. That means learning during times of joy and pain. We should never rush the process of getting out of pain. Thinking back to the hard times of my life, I feel that’s when I’ve learned the most.

Background. I was given the golden opportunity to be the GM of a charter bus company. Glamorous, I know. But it felt pretty good to be managing a team of 35 people and leading an increase in sales of $5.5 million over a 2-year period. Well, that all changed when the parent company decided to purchase a competitor in the San Francisco Bay Area. It just so happened that this competitor had a well-established and highly successful branch just 5 miles away from mine. When the deal became official, I was laid off, and my staff was transferred to the office 5 miles away. I was heartbroken and devastated to come home to my wife and kids without a job. (Side note, my wife was extremely happy when I came home. I had definitely been working too much, and she didn’t care about the money.) In case you think I should have seen this coming, just weeks before the lay-off, the CEO had put his arm around me and told me I was too valuable and wasn’t going anywhere despite the acquisition.

Job losses always suck, and this felt like a downright betrayal of trust. And that’s a common feeling for anyone whose position is eliminated. So, here are some of the steps I took to handle my sudden unemployment.

1. Accept the situation.

a. It was over, I wasn’t going back to that company. No matter how many shower arguments I had (and won), the job wasn’t coming back. I had to accept that it was finished. You can always grow and make the situation better, but first, you need to accept what has happened.

b. Sit in the pain. Don’t run to cheap thrills; actually sit, and allow yourself to feel the loss you have experienced. This is not fun. Our minds want to move to a better feeling. However, exploring the pain is one of the only ways we’ll grow.

2. Pray about your situation.

a. I learned a really powerful approach to prayer from a mentor. He told me to write out my prayers with my non-dominant hand. It forces me to really focus (you know by now I have trouble with this). In my weakness, I am also reminded that I am a child coming to my Father for help.

b. Journal your prayers. The more we write unscripted, the more we can empty our emotions on paper. Writing them down also gives us a way to come back and learn from these situations and reflect on God’s faithfulness.

3. Reach out for help.

a. If you don’t have a mentor, find one. Find someone that will share a coffee or a meal and talk with you about what has happened.

b. I plowed through my contacts on LinkedIn. I was able to get job leads from my connections and help from friends who were HR experts and were willing to edit my resume. I even secured a lot of contacts and face-to -face meetings by cold messaging people on LinkedIn. You’d be surprised how much people want to help. Don’t be afraid.

4. Take Inventory of What You’re Learning.

a. How have I grown from this?

b. What am I going to do better in the future because of this painful experience?

c. What new obstacles do I see that I can begin to prepare for?

5. Go help someone else.

a. Even while you’re going through the loss, take a day off of worry and stress and do something for a friend--buy them a meal, take them to a movie. If money is an object, make them a dessert and drop it off. It helps to take our eyes off of our own problems and remember someone else who is experiencing pain.

In the midst of this pandemic, many of us are experiencing job losses. It is difficult, no matter the circumstances. I hope this offered you some ideas on how to pull through.

Vaya Con Dios